what's this all about
Today’s world thrives on hyper efficiency, over stimulation, never ending consumption. Many of us have forgotten why we started — we race for the next thing in order to go bigger, faster, better. But this can be dangerous when your drive overruns your intention. I know this first hand.
3 years ago, I hit a wall. My love for work took a sharp turn. Everyone says to be careful about stress because you can ‘get sick.’ I think a lot of us take that in as an exaggeration to make a point — but that sh*t is for real. For me, it started with a cough, a visit to the ER, an ‘incidental discovery,’ a no-fly flag from a doctor, x-rays, and tests —- then the date-forgetting, a presumed TMI (Transient Myocardial Ischemia), and so on. But my identity was my work, so I couldn’t stop working, producing, doing — 24/7. The real deal breaker was driving home on what felt like a very normal day, Approaching an overpass interchange, I started having an out of body experience —like I was watching myself, very well aware of the doubts clouding my judgement: “Jen, can you drive safely over this overpass?” — Why, on Earth was this thought entering my brain? I drove to the first exit at a snail’s pace, and called my husband to pick me up. I called one of my oldest friends and sat on the phone in tears until my husband arrived. At that moment, I had realized I had completely ‘short-circuited’ —
I believe this is what they call burnout. I was in free fall.
I took a doctor recommended 3 month leave of absence … and, as unfitting as it might sound, I now understand why in movies the ‘crazies’ cut grass and paint pictures in solitude. I needed to slow my sh*t down. When you lose the ability to make decisions, to care for your family and self —- that is the ‘sick’ stress creates. Pure and utter burnout —- mentally and physically. But, gratefully, I worked my way through — I thank the good Earth and her gardens for that. During that leave,
I left no stone unturned in our garden— no weeds, no over growth. The garden and me, we took care of each other.
I continue to spend my weekends in the garden —to slow down, sort things out. Listening to an audio book or podcast as I cut, trim, and plant. The garden brought me back, and she continues to ground me. As someone who is has never been great at self-care, my garden provides that moment of grace for me.
